TNP

Jaw dropper

How does it feel to cause a domino effect? Not a good a feeling in my view and it seems I have cause one. I lost a friend recently and it seems, yet again, I was not at fault. But maybe I was at fault for never making a move in the past or expressing myself to her when I had the chance. Right now, I don't feel so down about it. Hurt? Yes. Down? No. The reason being is that I got what I wanted to say off my chest and I can move on with my life.

But what the future will bring me now that I don't have my number 1 fan by my side? Who knows. Have life been fine without the person? It seems like it, at the same time, I want to be there at their side still. However, it seems I can't for the moment, and maybe this time it will stay that way. The one thing I do know is....communication is something I need working on.

Limit

What is a limit? In my view....when a person need to stand down and know it over. I'm starting to feel it right now. Only because if I continue I'll have hell to pay. Everyone has a limit and I think I'm reaching mines with the way I been doing things. I think I need to cool down a little and relax. Make things clear and get it up in the air because something bad happens. On another note.....Febreze does wonders when it comes to smells. Good ones and bad ones. But now, I think I will be stepping out of the circle and community for good.

Hasas

Every blue moon someone comes around that I feel that I'm really connected to and understand. In a way, a reflection of myself. I met someone that is really cool. I can actually see myself with the person as well as breaking up with them. This is not normal in my view, but for once I have this feel of....joy whenever they call and want to talk to me or text me. Its a good feeling in my view. The person is beautiful because how they handle things and put things so I can understand. Its like they don't want to bullshit me and they really want me. And its like I really want them. I want to make it work. 400 miles is a lot of miles from here to the bay.

I felt that I can be intimated with this person at the same time I'm intimidated because they are a beast and they can eat me alive. Can this work? Will it work?

Experiment

I decided to not hold back and change the way I say things to people. I became more direct, more aggressive towards people. At the same time, more considered of people feelings. And since I'm free as a bird, I'm going to enjoy the time being single and take advantage of every opportunity as well as be there for my friends. Instead of being a dick, I'll be supportive. Instead of sitting there not saying nothing, I'm asking questions and putting in my input. No more bullshit or holding back. I got wants and needs as well as I need to explore more with my friends and learn new things. But let's see what happens.

Underground

No Myspace, No Twitter, No Facebook.I think I like that lifestyle. Nobody knowing nothing about me. It keeps things interesting and I don't have to worry about anyone questioning me or knowing something I put up. In my view, I look at everything people post as another way of getting attention. No one wants to talk about their problems with anyone yet they want to let the world know what's going on with them. Might as well not put anything at all if you're going to be one way on the streets and then another way behind a computer screen. I just decided there's no point. What's the point of making post on a facebook when you can block your friends from seeing what you update?

I think I like being this way. No one knowing anything. A mystery basically. And me not knowing anything about anyone. To night I'm alone in what should be my future room. Hopefully, if I don't see anyone tonight, then I'm bring in the new year on my own.

Underground

No Myspace, No Twitter, No Facebook.I think I like that lifestyle. Nobody knowing nothing about me. It keeps things interesting and I don't have to worry about anyone questioning me or knowing something I put up. In my view, I look at everything people post as another way of getting attention. No one wants to talk about their problems with anyone yet they want to let the world know what's going on with them. Might as well not put anything at all if you're going to be one way on the streets and then another way behind a computer screen. I just decided there's no point. What's the point of making post on a facebook when you can block your friends from seeing what you update?

I think I like being this way. No one knowing anything. A mystery basically. And me not knowing anything about anyone. To night I'm alone in what should be my future room. Hopefully, if I don't see anyone tonight, then I'm bring in the new year on my own.

That one girl

The past year I cannot tell if it was good or bad. This year, which is not over yet, been one big roller coaster that I haven't gotten off yet. But, I did figure out a goal in life and started to work for it in the beginning of this year. I started working more towards that one girl then myself and that ended in a train wreck. Then a few months later (like 4 or 5) things picked up again, then another fork on the road. And then we picked one time, and then....smack...face plant. And on, and on, and on again. Its been a battle this year and I been getting my ass kick. But now, I really don't think since thinking leads to negatives and hesitating.

We hung out yesterday and for the first time in a long time she came and hugged me. I was a bit shock since I haven't gotten one of those out of her since September when she started school. We have an ok day just hanging out and watching TV and chatting and sharing laughs together. The vibe was there and it felt nice again to have her around. She still have another month left at one of her jobs. I don't know if things will ever be the same for us and I'm not thinking about it since we both got our thing we are doing. For now, I'm going with the flow of things and not thinking about it.

Grad School

Well, my first semester of grad school is almost over and it seems I'm doing ok for the moment. I have a few weeks left, however, I still have a long way to go. Last time I was making a post I was talking about paying bills and getting a career, now its paying bills and staying in grad school since I have nothing else going for me. I'm in the Library and Information program at UNT (University North Texas)/CSUN (Cal State University Northridge). And if I pass my classes this semester and play my cards right, I could be out of school around this time next year. But I have to see how it goes.

My horrible grammar

Its been quite a while since I submitted a blog here. I learned a lot about myself this year and realize I have lot of issues to work on. At the age of 25, my grammar is not the best and it is something I need to work on. for example I will make mistakes such as "that's more worst" than saying "that's worse", I find it disturbing and decided to use this blog not only to get me writing again, to also get me working on my creativity in writing.

No more than a month I finally understood the rules of A/An. And I'm a graduated student which shows you I'm a good bullshitter. My bad grammar was not a problem for me since I was comfortable with it and did not care about the little mistakes I did. However, when my library teacher, Du, read one of my papers and left the comment "you need to pay someone to look over your paper" it made me realize I need to fix this problem. I felt stupid and disappointed in myself and wanted to make a change when it comes to my writing as well as my grammar in general.

But how do someone make steps to change their grammar? How can I change my grammar? I decided to take a tip from a girl that's good a grammar, Brig, and decided to go through a dictionary. I also want to start reading the newspaper again. Reading a newspaper is not hard, I just prefer the Daily News newspaper.

Oh snap...the re-up is over. Time for Curtain Calls

Well, the re up period is over for the minute. Basically I'm not at CBS for the moment since I found another job...more like the job found me since Ervin did not take it and told his main man about me. Currently I'm working at the airport cleaning shit at night for 9 dollars an hour. Its an dollar less, however, its full time plus on top of that the bills will be taken care of by July. At that point, if the grad school thing don't work out, then all I have is this job and starting a new life until this period is over.

The re-up was the period where the Phil Arrington went through a relapse and understand what he needed to do it. Now that chapter is closed for the moment, its time for curtain calls. This is the new period where the growing begins.

I basically gotta get out of my mom's house. Yes during a recession I want to live on my own and fell the stuggle again. But I feel that I won't grow if I stay here and won't become what I want to be. She don't want me to go, but I want to go. This is really confusing since its usually the other way around. But I want this and I need to go through this.

Right now, QYDJ/Revenge 1.5 is done and I just need to get out there right now. But the bills are first...then the dark comedy.